It’s not bad if it’s “good” advice

English: Avoid this route in winter conditions...

English: Avoid this route in winter conditions That is the helpful advice on the road sign at the northern end of the Wass Bank Road. Conditions were very wintry, but the road was passable. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What?  Not bad if it’s good she said to me! I started to laugh and it hurt her feelings. 

“Well did they ask you for help on something or were you just coming with a little of your helpful information?” I asked with undetectable sarcasm in my voice. 

My patience get worn thin as I explain the same things to family close to me.  I know I should be more mature and patient especially because I have more experience  – or at least different experience to support my stance.  Back to the conversation above – no of course no one had asked for help, opinions or information. 

“I was only being helpful and kind, and they know it.  I don’t know why they have to get such an attitude.  They don’t act that way to you.”  She replied, obviously hurt.

So it was time to explain again.  They don’t get mad at me because I don’t tell them what to do.  I have quit assuming I know what is best and the best way to get there for anyone besides me.  I want to be respected and show respect.   I figure if someone thinks I may have something that can help them they will ask me!  If they don’t ask, and I really feel an overwhelming need to save them from a life lesson I start with a, ” I was in a similar situation and I …”  therefore giving an example that they can take and do with what they like.  Use it or not, I don’t care.  And if I feel annoyed by them not using help they have asked for I remember for next time and then just answer by asking them questions from different angles so they come to their own solutions.

This is all very hard, almost impossible – but so necessary.  Advice is not nice, unless asked for.  Then share your life lessons, don’t tell someone what to do unless you want the blame when it goes down the drain!

Good luck!

About mainbean

I graduated december 2014 from Bergströms a Counselor specialized in Co-dependency Therapy. I love to read, discuss and learn. I usually write every other weekend and hope to see how much I grow during this process.
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