Push me pull you

Remember Dr.Doolittle?  I loved that movie as a child I dreamed of being able to talk to animals and understand them.  Today many people refer to other humans as animals in different sayings or references; crazy animal, party animal etc.  This animal reference to our human counterparts brings me to an interesting idea of the push me pull you.  I have become the human example of that animal.  Not only does life, work, family, interests, relationships push me and pull me in my choices but so do all the internal conflicts those same “people” introduce in my life everyday.

Don’t get me wrong – no one is pushing me around, it is me and my translation of their needs and desires that are pushing and pulling me.  Last sunday I sat down to write on WordPress and I fell apart.  literally, I just cried and cried about pretty much everything.  I needed to feel sorry for myself and the straw that broke this “push me pull you” back was my son.  Poor boy was just pushing my buttons as children do and that was it for me.  I knew it as it happened, I felt the dam breaking and really could just turn it all inside untill we got home so I could break down all by myself.  It is important to me that I was able to be responsible in this, I couldn’t let my avalanche of disappointment and hurt for everything fall all over my son just because he threw the straw that broke my back.

Nope, it is ultimately my fault that” I collect straws.”

We all know we are not to collect straws.  As we gain life experience we understand the danger of collecting straws but sometimes do it anyway.  The danger here is really that we are teaching the next generation to collect straws too.  How? School is a huge problem.  Adults in school are telling our children that are NOT causing the problems to not engage the bully.  Dont hit back.  Dont’ give the bully attention.  WHAT??

Lets get this straight.  YOU MEAN;

Don’t get upset when the bully verbally abuses you.  Ignore him and maybe he will find another victim. (poor victim number two can also hope the bully moves on eventually)

Don’t hit and kick back because violence just encourages more violence.  Take it, and if you don’t fight back the bully will eventually get bored and move on or grow up.  (hopefully before he breaks some bones or goes to jail.)

Don’t tell on the bully.  Because then the adult you turn to will tell you just don’t worry about the problem and it will go away.  OR please don’t bother adults with problems they don’t know how to handle.  Adults want you, child with problem, to be quiet and go away.  (It doesn’t matter if they don’t say it, kids know they figure it out.)

I have been discussing this within the school system for seven years now.  I am not done with school and don’t have letters behind my name so I am pretty much just a pain in the butt parent.  But, I have learned to love my position as pain in the butt.  Other parents wish they could be more like me but they run out of energy and give up.  I know, because we talk about it.  I talk to other parents, children, teachers and principals.  It makes me tired.  tired because it becomes words and I have to handle daily life, raise my children, do my own homework, and work full-time.  Every night  I go to bed with dreams of changing the world by changing what is closest around me.  I can change the world by instilling these ideas, morals and ideas within my children and –

walking the walk, talking the talk.

My breakdown leaves me stronger.  I don’t look forward to the next one, but the strength it leaves behind is welcome.  Very welcome.

About mainbean

I graduated december 2014 from Bergströms a Counselor specialized in Co-dependency Therapy. I love to read, discuss and learn. I usually write every other weekend and hope to see how much I grow during this process.
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3 Responses to Push me pull you

  1. Yaz says:

    Great post again. I agree with everything you’ve said about the way society deals with bullies. I always feel the ‘victim’ needs to look inward and examine the lessons learned, and then deal with the bully…which could mean to dish out the same treatment-some don’t learn through nice words-(perhaps one of the lessons learned!).


  2. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    This is a great, meaning thoughtful post, 3bean. I fully enjoyed it.
    Hey, if you’re studying to be a drug & alcohol counselor, you may be interested in my second blog started only May this year. It’s all video accounts of my days in attempts to give up alcohol. I really really thought I’d kill it in the first matter of weeks, but I didn’t – yet, I got thinking, talking to cam about so much – and in time, there was a shift. I’m currently on the outer end of that imagination that I ‘need’ alcohol, psycholocially. I do physically, I realise, but things are actually changing – http://www.VodkaWasMyMuse.wordpress.com. If you went from the first post in May’12, like, if you had time, you would see a raw and honest account of a person – parent single (but of one, not three!!) aiming to overcome what had overcome me.

    Sorry! Back to you! It’s just that your ‘who I am’ evoked that from me – sort of passion, you know, as hey, do you ‘get this’? in your job/training.

    I know we sometimes need to feel sorry for ourselves – yes, I’ve got you there. But the lingering for a lifetime woe is something I personally have had to reconfigure, myself.

    This is great for its ‘kids pushing buttons’ factor. AAAARGH! HOW do the little people get to us so much?!

    Really enjoyed that, cheers 🙂


    • mainbean says:

      Thank you for everything! I am excited and will def. stop by and check out your other blogg. Your journey sounds very interesting and it takes a strong woman to share and own it. You asked about my education, job training and getting to see and understand the struggle, the reality of feeling sorry for oneself and being stuck there – i am interpreting now – and my school is wonderful. The couple that started the school have personal experience, both as co-depentent and drug/ alcohol addiction. They have amazing ideas, stories, and experience to share with the students. I feel that my personal experience as a co-dependent with several in my family with drug or alchohol issues gives me a unique understanding of ” real life” and how it feels when we are stuck in it.
      It’s not easy this re-inventing and leaving the ” I am a victim” thinking behind. Not easy? Who am I kidding, it was a death and rebirth experience.

      Wow this was long… I look forward to getting to know you better through your blogg and have enjoyed this immensely! May strength and courage follow you every step of your journey. Thank goodness for our little people. Without whom we may not dare to accept lifes challenges!


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