Intimacy is an interesting word. What type of picture does it conjure in your mind? Sharing of intimacy may sound like sex but before sex hopefully something deeper is there to share – otherwise we may have jumped into something I think is covered better by lust.
No today I wanted to continue with honesty but true honesty should lead to intimacy. That is scary especially when I obviously thought of the physical connection to the word instead of the spiritual or intellectual. Strange? I hope not! With all of the encouragement we receive from tv and movies to encorporate physical intimacy into every facit of life it is instead easy to forget the harder to come by true intimacy one can find with true friends.
We used to be taught the best person to marry is your best friend! Why? And why is that so odd today? Why are we not striving after honest, good, reliable, intimate relationships minus the quick fix (sex) that we hope will give us the fulfilment and wholeness, oneness, togetherness we would die for.
The intimacy I want to find is through knowing a friend, sharing fears, hopes, worries, good times and bad. Knowing that they are sharing their life with me. I have learned through my life experiences that no one is to be trusted. Closeness is to be feared and this is a warning for weakness. So , thankfully I know in my heart I am wrong but now I need to re-learn intimacy and how to go about getting it in a positive, honest, strengthening way. Good question right!
I will have to start with trust. If a friend is truly a friend they will do what they say. Call me back, wonder how I am doing, reach out, show up. Friendship is not a one way road. Co-dependents often forget that the work in a relationship is to be shared by two. Co-dependents need to feel important but are willing to be so self-sacrificing and do all the work the relationships become negative. Give until it hurts, help until you can’t help anymore is not good for anyone.
Who can we trust? The program suggests that a sponsor is a good person to begin with. They have often same experience and won’t judge or give advice but be able to listen without judgment and just want what is best for us. This is unconditional love. No strings attached. In order to build this relationship I have to reach out, and they can reach out in return. I have to honestly share of my needs, fears and other secrets I usually keep to myself. In return my sponsor can share their experiences. I have to be honest about how I feel and trust they will be honest with me. As we learn to give and take we will eventually find a deep intimacy – someone who knows me and I know them.
This can be one of life’s greatest gifts. If I can dare to do this and learn the process I will eventually be able to truly develop a loving friendship with those around me, that are willing to do the same. This can be a new start for families that have hurt each other and others. Addiction rips us apart but only we can decide if we will heal and learn or continue on a road to complete destruction.
Intimacy – my challenge.