honesty – sheesh


Honesty (Photo credit: Fluffymuppet)

In my courage to change book by Al-Anon Family groups I happened to look up the word honesty and it referenced to page 24. 

I wanted to write about this especially after returning from a two month “vacation” with family and friends.

The thought from page twenty-four is this :

That I should dare to be myself.  That means honesty with my feelings so if I am mad I can show it, I don’t have to smile it away.  I don’t have to make excuses when turning down an invitation just to spare someones feelings.  In other words being honest. 

I can still choose to do something I don’t want to do, but I don’t have to pretend I am happy about it.  I am encouraged to look at my feelings, actions and motives to love myself and learn who I am.

What does this all mean?  Well I was told I had to make certain phone calls that I honestly didn’t feel I had energy for.  Sometimes I did it and felt good about the result, other times I didn’t do it and I felt ok about that too even though I know I disappointed someone.  I won’t force myself anymore – and a phone call is no big thing!  But if it grates on your nerves maybe just maybe not making the call is the right thing to do!

disappointing people is a part of life.  If we could stop having expectations and communicate our needs instead I think we would get farther.  If I need and want more contact from my biological father I can tell him, then he knows.  If he responds or not is up to him, then I don’t have to guess if he understands my needs he knows my needs.  How can such a simple concept have become so complicated!!!

Oh yeah, feelings.  Feelings, those things inside of us we have difficulty putting words to so that others can understand us.  Or is it more we want to feel they understand, sympathy, empathy, connecting. I have a lot of work to do here.  A LOT.  I am excited though, I see that if my logical side can learn and accept the illogical feeling side I will be more complete as a person.  I look forward to the adventure, although painful it shall be.  I am not being negative, just honest.  For me, opening up and accepting feelings will be painful.  But i have been told it will be worth it.

About mainbean

I graduated december 2014 from Bergströms a Counselor specialized in Co-dependency Therapy. I love to read, discuss and learn. I usually write every other weekend and hope to see how much I grow during this process.
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