How much of a second chance

Front page of "Doctrine of Chance – a met...

Front page of "Doctrine of Chance – a method for calculating the probabilities of events in plays" by Abraham de Moivre, London, 1718 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Second chance.  New leaf.  We have all heard them and probably used these and many other expressions ourselves.  But my question is how much?

How much change is expected and for how long before we give or receive that second chance?

I have heard once a liar always a liar.  Once a cheat always a cheat.  Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic.  An abuser keeps abusing… and so on.  We have so many of these hard unforgiving sayings too.  So what can we depend on?

I guess we are back to us as individuals again.  Being able to learn from life’s experience and often it’s hard knocks helps us to see things differently.  Weather different means positive or negative is up to us to define.

My goodness.  How in the world can I decide how and when to give those second chances then?  I want to know when I deserve one too!  And of course we know there are those of us that mess up the second chance and need a third or fourth.

For all of us that know someone on the long road to recovery or walk it ourselves how do we feel about chances.  Personally I have discovered I am able to give many, many chances.  Recently I have learned that I don’t need to put myself in harm’s way again to give the second chance, I am able to remove myself a bit. Protect myself thereby giving a second chance that allows for mistakes but not at my own cost.  I make mistakes but do not have to take down others with me – sometimes I need my loved ones to protect themselves from me and I am thankful that they do.  Shame and regret so often stop us from admitting our mistakes because we have hurt others so badly they will never be able to forgive us, so why ask and why change?

I would like to say that second chances don’t have a lot to do with the other person, it has to do with ourselves.  Are we strong enough, and wise enough to be able to give and receive that second chance.

Maybe I should give an example to make myself clear?  If my son lies to me he has broken my trust.  This hurts us both and now he has to earn my trust back and can if I am willing to give him the second chance.  He won’t have the strength to keep trying for the second chance if I constantly mistrust him and second guess him though.  But he is a child and I will eventually as he proves himself trust him again.  I want to be able to trust my son, he is my child and I love him.  In reverse – if I lie to him, my child, how long will it take for me to regain his trust, love and forgiveness? I venture to guess not nearly as long as the process takes for me.  One last little example.  My husband has an addiction.  I find out, he eventually realises he can’t keep the addiction and the family so he decides to start his path to recovery.  It is a rough road for all of us, paved with re-lapses and disappointment and only small glimmers of hope.  If he is really trying but fails how many times can I forgive him? And how long untill he gets his whole-hearted second chance at my love? If I remove my self from his destructive path I can easier love and support him without standing on the tracks of his out of control train. It is up to me where I stand.  It is up to me to be strong enough to give wise second chances, in safe and loving ways.  Protected.

With all that said.  I think we can.  I can.  You can.

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About mainbean

I graduated december 2014 from Bergströms a Counselor specialized in Co-dependency Therapy. I love to read, discuss and learn. I usually write every other weekend and hope to see how much I grow during this process.
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One Response to How much of a second chance

  1. Pingback: good intentions (pave the road to hell/ father, forgive us) « JRFibonacci's blog: partnering with reality

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