Well who is asking?
From a book called “hur går hon” by Viveka Enander, Susanne Eriksson Larsson, Julia Fries, Carina Holmberg, Suzann Larsdotter, Hanna Olsson
The book brings up a very interesting question in domestic violence and how we see it. Often the women involved see themselves as stupid. Stupid for different reasons at different times during and after the abuse. With their own words they describe themselves as stupid for staying, stupid for not leaving earlier – for those that leave, and stupid for not being able to make the relationship work out.
What about dumb? Well that is where we the people come in. Ask around and see how others look at the women or men that are abuse – dumb. Why don’t they leave? Why can’t they see whats going on? How can they go back time and again? How can they believe the excuses and apologies of the abuser? Well probably because they are dumb… is the assumed answer. I hope your bothered by that remark. But lets be honest – we have thought it haven’t we.
Same sex relationships are no different when we talk domestic violence. It happens and we don’t hear about it. We don’t really want to hear about it. It makes us uncomfortable. We think they are stupid for being involved or allowing it to happen and who wants to deal with something so obviously weak and dumb?
Well, with a little reading we find that the violence doesn’t happen on the first date. Not even the first month usually. And as a matter of fact it’s not usually a full beating the the first time violence rears it’s ugly head. It’s words, comments, threats, accusations, shame, guilt, seclusion, blame and then abuse. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes there is addictions of one or the other partner.
So who is dumb and who is stupid? What do the words mean to us? I am sure they carry different levels of importance and severity for each of us. The words give us different mental images – lets share them. Lets talk about this! Keeping things shameful and hidden doesn’t fix them, but I guess we understand that by now, or, are we just stupid?