I want to be an addict when I grow up…

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Or a wife beater, even the beaten wife.  Homeless sounds interesting and filled with adventure too!

No, I doubt that many children have this dream when they are little.  And I doubt there are many adults that have the aspiration to continue even when they have landed in the middle of these situations.  So how does it happen?

Are we predisposed to certain situations? Or do our life experiences so change us that we allow and accept the un acceptable?  If you know someone who is or has been a beaten wife and asked her to explain when she knew it was a problem she may have a hard time pin pointing exactly when she knew there was something wrong.  There is so much shame and confusion it’s just hard to see anything for what it is.  Addiction to is a funny animal.  It’s not easy to say when the use of something became an abuse.  If we could talk and share openly I wonder if the statistics would change.

There is so much violence everywhere.  But there is so much beauty too.  I suppose it all depends on what you become accustomed to looking for.  If we were to take 10 people on a two-day trip they would all have different high and low points of the trip.  Same trip, different focus.  It’s quite a hot topic, thinking positive creates positive outcomes they say.  I know this to be true for myself from my personal experience.  I needed a helping hand to show me the positive things in my life for a while.  I had such a focus on all that was wrong I thought I had no control over what was happening around me.  One brave therapist dared me to search out the good things, she challenged me to find just one thing and hold on to that through out the week.  I never thought it would work but it did.  She went on to teach me I could control myself, I could leave the situation.  Scary thought, I would have to take responsibility for the only one I could be responsible for, ME.

Victims, are victims until they realise they are people who have survived something that if shared will strengthen themselves and others.  What good can come from being raped?  Well, if you can in turn comfort and share your story of survival to another rape victim maybe there can come something good out of a seemingly hopeless dark experience.  How many children are taken advantage of and never tell anyone?  When they are adults they can see better than anyone else how to help and support children that find themselves in the same predicament.  Maybe it’s worse than feeling shame for what someone did to us, maybe we are selfish by not sharing the secrets of our survival.  What about parents that never get the chance to really help their child heal because they know something is wrong but not what this something is.

I heard something great today. 

Don’t talk about what you don’t know, talk about what you do know. – Les Perrot

It was not in reference to abuse at all.  But I believe it applies.  If we know about it because we have experienced it we should share it.  It becomes less scary and suddedly we aren’t  alone, we are surrounded by others with like experiences.  I am only telling you what I have learned from my own life.




About mainbean

I graduated december 2014 from Bergströms a Counselor specialized in Co-dependency Therapy. I love to read, discuss and learn. I usually write every other weekend and hope to see how much I grow during this process.
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2 Responses to I want to be an addict when I grow up…

  1. loopyloo305 says:

    That is the thing isn’t it, a different perspective. Most people assume that everyone sees the world as they see it, but if you haven’t experienced it that way, you have to make a change in yourself in order to do so. And you can’t become a survivor until you realize that you can change things! God bless you my friend!


    • mainbean says:

      So right you are, realization is the key. Sometimes I feel silly about how excited I am as I see something old in a new way! It’s worth the work – thanks for reading!


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