so why now?

A Pain That I'm Used To

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I was just talking with a girlfriend that has a similar story to mine.  She has the experience that “sure, lets talk” when someone has a problem but once the problem has gotten better we don’t want to “talk” about it anymore.  It is almost like, yes my husband cheated on me but we have worked it out and now we don’t talk about that anymore.  Is it dangerous to explain, or confirm another’s pain after we have gotten through the worst of ours?  Shouldn’t we with time be even more willing to share and sympathize with others in similar situations?

I  considered quitting this blog last week.  I have wondered if i am wasting time mulling something painful, looking for lessons and patterns and hopefully learning to stop my destructive behaviors.  But do I have to move on? Leave all of this information in the dust?  I don’t want to! I want to get distance so it doesn’t hurt but I want to keep the lessons close to me.  I don’t want to forget the pain of his relapses.  I don’t want to forget the fear I have felt seeing the one I love lying on the sofa day in day out.  I certainly don’t want to forget about the deep dark hole i just pulled myself out of – especially when others are walking blindly right for the same hole!


I didn’t “yell” jump because as i typed it i realised there was someone yelling jump before I fell in the hole. I didn’t see the hole.  I didn’t know what they wanted me to jump over.  So here I am on the other side of the hole knowing I can’t stop anyone from falling in but I can talk to them and tell them that they can climb out.  If I can do it they can. 

I want to be the coach that gets them through what I just stumbled blindly in.  I want to be the voice that helps to comfort in the darkness untill they dare to hear and listen to that little tiny whisper that will lead them from the heart.

No, I am not ready to stop listening or talking about this co-dependent, confused, lonely destructive  love affair  I have just barely survived.  I wish someone would have stayed behind to coach me out. 

About mainbean

I graduated december 2014 from Bergströms a Counselor specialized in Co-dependency Therapy. I love to read, discuss and learn. I usually write every other weekend and hope to see how much I grow during this process.
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1 Response to so why now?

  1. sampatron says:

    Hi Mainbean. Thanks for linking to my blog. I understand the emotion you express in this blog post. It’s so hard to watch people we love, and sometimes even those we don’t even know well, heading for a fall. The hardest thing, though, is to realize that we can’t live their lives for them; they have to stumble into their own holes in the ground in order to really wake up. In other words, we do the best we can to warn them and then we have to be strong enough to get out of their way and let them live, however that living turns out. It’s not easy, believe me. Sam


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