“Yes” they said, ” You can still find happiness.”
How many of us believe that? I guess the next question is how many of us see that? All the broken people, marriages, families, children out there maybe have not heard this glad news. I didn’t believe it either. I wondered what would happen to the bills, the shopping, laundry, dishes, children, homework,car,friends ect if i wasn’t involved at the micro level of it all.
Who else would look through his pockets, check his text messages, listen in on his conversations, wonder why he went down to the basement ALL the time? Pour out the liquor, air out the car, check white powder residue, read email and spy spy spy! What about allow the disgusting “friends” sleep on the couch all day for several days just so HE would sleep at home too? Not answer the phone, but sit beside the phone for hours waiting for the fight. Go to bed early and try to sleep although imagination won’t alow for it – instead just daydream of possible nightmare situations. Clean up after and all around him…
Someone forgot to tell me that we are responsible for ourselves in this life not EVERYONE ELSE!! And not even my husband. I didn’t have to keep lying for him, or covering up for him, making excuses – it wasn’t part of my job. It was not a vow i made at the altar. It was some unwritten rule i applied to myself gradually untill i was a slave to that way of thinking.
I was so afraid to even think that I could let go and keep growing and living and loving even if he was active in his addiction. But i swear, the sooner i dared to start testing the theory the sooner i saw progress. (To bad it took me almost 4 years to try it!) But better late than never!
Here are a few statements from Paths to Recovery an Al-Anon book –
Alcoholism is a family disease. It is a disease of relationships as well. The people involved react to the addicts behavior. The three c’s – we didn’t cause it, can’t cure it, and can’t control it. To find peace and serenity in our lives WE have to change. To recover we have to keep the focus on ourselves.
- Control isn’t power (part 2) (monkeytraps.wordpress.com)
- Martin Sheen Stars in One-Night Only Fundraiser Supporting Geffen Playhouse and Hazelden (prweb.com)
- Sheila Hancock: why I’m addicted to the drama of life with an alcoholic (telegraph.co.uk)