My parents were able to see the many warning signs in my relationship. In order to help me see the warning signs they bought and sent 3 books to me. Each book was somehow connected to co-dependency either through a “substance abuse” or “unhealthy relationship” story and even a book on how to break free from a “bipolar, unstable” partner. So apparently they thought my husband was bipolar or acted like it, had a drug problem or that we were just unhealthy for each other. It turns out that they were fairly accurate on all counts!
The funny part is that i read all three books. I could see my husbands bad behavior on every page. I could remember having been in those very situations the books described. But i could not see that I was then the co-dependent in the relationship! I never even thought that I had a part to play! Life had become just a chaos that happened around me. I didn’t feel like i had any control, or choice and eventually, no opinion either.
But if anyone tried to point that out to me or express concern for me and the kids i would jump to my defences. I had every excuse and explanation. Nothing was wrong. Even though I felt i was slowly dying when I was still and alone I couldn’t quite put my finger on what the problem was. It was probably because I was a big part of the problem. I, as many other family and friends do, played the part of co dependent and victim perfectly. I should have won awards for my acting abilities, because I surely wasn’t living life – I was acting it as I thought it should “look”. The facade was fascinating.