Inner calm

Foggy forest of oaks in Cantabria. In the lushness of these forests Cantabrian mythology locates to spirits and mythologycal beings, trying to give answers to the fear of the unknown.. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have felt stressed for almost three weeks now.  There are many things happening around me, to family members or friends.  Situations that have no clear outcome at this point in time and the worst part is that I have no way of helping, or being involved in the process in which they find themselves.

I don’t know if it is my age or stage of life I find myself in right now that directs this inner stress I have been feeling.  Several times I sat down to write in my diary, to sort out my thoughts and uneasiness.  I don’t want to call it fear but maybe it is.  A fear of the unknown.  Fear of where I am or where I am off to in the future.  There are so many things I think should be changed or fixed, but I seem to be helpless in starting a change, setting something in motion.

By reflecting I find that my material needs are met.  My spiritual needs are met.  I am growing and challenging myself and refusing to stagnate.  But still, it is not enough.  Not big enough of a difference at the end of the day, or week or month.  I have plans and goals and am slowly but surely crossing things off my things to do and accomplish list – at the same time I write more things on the bottom of the list so the tail end grows so quickly I feel I am not taming it!

Something happened a few hours ago. Nothing I can set my finger on.  Just a calm, an ebbing away of the uneasiness.  Maybe it’s because I have done some things, physical actions that can be measured.  I wrote the grocery list, brought down the summer clothes, have written to my friends and family I will be trying to get together with during summer vacation.  I have done my planning for the week as far as what I must accomplish for work.  I have planned the week. I got my lessons planned for the classes tomorrow and then I sat and thought.  I just let every little thought come as they may, ignored the ones that get me going and enjoyed the ones that I could.  Maybe like a little meditation just myself and my thoughts. But still the calm didn’t come right away.  It didn’t sneak up on me.  It was a strange release, many hours after my “doing” and  suddenly and I was lighter.  Some one tell me what it was so I can save it and do it again and again to keep this feeling of freedom and peace!

Whatever I accomplish will be what it is.  It may help or hurt someone else, but it is out of may hands once I have created it.  Every question I ask someone else is the start of something new, I never know how my words and ideas may take form or when.  This all seems diffuse and silly but  feels good all the same.  This is after all just inadequate words being written to try to express my feelings.

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Easy to be critical

The Muslim population of the world map by percentage of each country, according to the Pew Forum 2009 report on world Muslim populations. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is so easy to be critical. It takes a whole lot more thought, research, patience and understanding to be willing to try to understand something we are not used to.  This applies to so many things – the politics of today, world views, religious differences, social situations.  We have to admit that as humans we have only our experiences  as our reference.  If we want to broaden our horizons and our compassion it is going to take a great deal of work and time.

This reflection comes from a combination of many situations that have occurred in the last week.  The discussion of the word hen and how it has affected my children and our discussions at home.  A course we had through my workplace about how we assume all others we meet are cis-persons, better know as heterosexuals and how we can better “meet and greet” without making those assumptions in our verbal choices.  A discussion about Muslims and Christians with my boys today at dinner.  And last but not least my daily dose of “real life” listening to my children and the neighborhood kids play.

I think we, no matter our sexual preference and religious views are all prejudice in one way or another.  How can we not be? Prejudice has to do with not understanding or having experience with something that we then judge to be “bad” without sufficient information.  We should try to learn about what we are dealing with first and then make an educated decision – which we must also be prepared to have to or need to change in the future as we gain more knowledge.

I have myself written about the word HEN.  I personally don’t think we need it, and my children don’t want to be called hen when they have a strong feeling about where they fit in as either male or female.  Recently though at our workplace education day this was addressed by a representative of RSFU (sexual education and rights organisation).  Hen is not a word for those that feel they are already part of the male or female group but for those that feel they don’t fit into those two categories can choose then to be referred to as a hen.  I heard the explanation and if that’s all there is to it then fine!  But that’s not the impression I get.  Why?  Well they don’t want to write mom and dad, or mother and father anymore we are to just be called parent so as not to hurt the feeling of same-sex parents.  And it has been discussed to no longer have male and female toilets in school, or male and female dressing rooms. But what if I feel like a man and want to go to the mens room and dress in the mens room and shower in the mens locker room and so on, do I have to be with women that feel like men, or shower with women that just like to shower in the mens room?

I know I am being silly but I think our political discussions are getting silly.  And really I think they bring up these subjects, our identity and sexuality when they don’t have real political strategies to discuss!  Get us, th regular voters, all fired up about sexuality, abortion, right and wrong and lead us away from the real issues at hand.

Ok, so if the RFSU rep. is right, then I don’t have to feel insecure about the word, or label of hen.  I know where I fit in so I won’t be refered to as hen.

As for Christian and Muslim discussion.  All I have to share is what my younger son said, ” My best friend is a Muslim and if anyone tried to hurt him I would die for him.  If that means he might kill me because I am an infidel then, well then I die a better person for not killing him and following the ten commandments.”  My older son said, ” If their God says they should kill us then we should kill them first or just not let them in our country.”  Two years more of critical thinking and absorbing the chaos and hate we are surrounded by on the news, internet and sadly to say even at home obviously make a big difference in the younger generation.  We decided to continue the discussion at another dinner.

A general worry for me has been what will our children grow into and take with them to the next generation. Today I listened to them playing in the backyard, eavesdropped on them more like it.  The three girls jumped on the trampoline, had a doll a stroller and the dog.  The boys pretended the were flying ninjas with other super human powers.  There were 2 boys in trash cans playing they were hiding from the oncoming soldiers.  And finally everyone was running from the alien (our dog).  They seem pretty normal so far.  And it seems all of the topics the daily news covers is here in my backyard.  Soldiers, mothers, aliens, attacking, hiding maybe they are processing what they have been hearing or maybe they are just using their imaginations.  Either way, I felt better for some reason.  And I hope I can be a less critical role model.  More informed, and more loving.

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GPS condom

CONTROL — I’m watching you! — But it’s really even closer !! .. Police Can Track Your Cell in Real Time (September 8, 2011) …..item 2.. Sex sting nabs 5 men at beachside bookstore — Brevard County north of Satellite Beach. (Feb. 7, 2012) … (Photo credit: marsmet523)

Safe sex with GPS.  It sounds like a fun new way to promote safe sex and tell the world about it at the same time.  Either we have really gone crazy or this is a good thing, wonder how many grandma’s and grandpa’s will be joining the club?  Funny how each generation things of the newest “thing” as something just their generation will be using.  I would think it was a little funny if it’s my friends, but my kids, brothers kids, or parents ewwww!  To much information. 

But if your a little curious to see what all this is about check it out here…

WhereDidYouWearIt.com.

see you there?

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We’ve come a long way baby! Birth controll is for sissies.

Drinking water 2. Remake by “River Nymph” of K.-M. Clodion (end of XVIII century.)In Schoppershof district. Nuremberg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Just a little more good reading: we have come long way baby!

I decided to re-post some great subjects that get lost in our news nonsense, this is something that is affecting us and everyone, everything that needs, drinks, lives in water.  That description includes us people- which leads us to ask, how much sex is good for our futures.

http://earlychurchfathers.org/fullcircle/comments.php?y=07&m=07&entry=entry070712-121558

Harden said the growing knowledge of estrogen-polluted water may expose the cultural double-standards that protect birth control from the scrutiny given to other chemicals and drugs.

“It’s going to start looking funny,” Harden said. “The radical environmentalist won’t eat a corn chip if the corn contacted a pesticide. But they view it a sacred right and obligation to consume synthetic chemicals that alter a woman’s natural biological functions, even if this practice threatens innocent aquatic life downstream.”

Despite growing and nationwide knowledge of birth-control pollution in rivers and streams, leading environmentalists remain unfazed – even in Boulder, where it’s been known about for years.

Curt Cunningham, water-quality-issues chairman for the Rocky Mountain Chapter of Sierra Club International, worked tirelessly last year on a ballot measure that would force the City of Boulder to remove fluoride from drinking water, because some believe it has negative effects on health and the environment that outweigh its benefits. But Cunningham said he would never consider asking women to curtail use of birth-control pills and patches – despite what effect these synthetics have on rivers, streams and drinking water.

“I suspect people would not take kindly to that,” Cunningham said. “For many people it’s an economic necessity. It’s also a personal freedom issue.”

I have always wanted to wear an anti-contraception/pro-NFP t-shirt to Whole Foods with the tagline “If you are going to go natural, go all the way.” I am not sure how well it would go over.

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I personally believe that our expression and exploration of sexuality and sexual intercourse are our individual rights.  I believe we should all take the pill so unwanted pregnancies are not an issue and being sexually active is not a restrained.  … Continue reading →

Inspiration

Dinner (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Inspiration is everywhere if you’re in the right frame of mind to find, see, feel, catch or create it.  What is inspiring for me may be nothing to you and vice versa.  That’s what is so amazing!

I was inspired by my second son today.  Right before he went to the store with a friend and his brother I reminded them NOT to eat anything because dinner was ready in 15 minutes.  About 10 minutes later my mobile rings, its his ring signal. I sighed and was already a little irritated just by that.  Lucky me, I didn’t act on my impulse I just said hello?  Of course he asked if they could eat now one of the things they bought.  They wanted to sit in the sun on the park bench and enjoy that is was “finally friday”.  I am glad he said it just like that, “finally friday”.  The guy is only 9 but he needed this weekend and was glad it was here.  He was asking me, his mom, to let them have a little taste of the good stuff that would come after dinner even when I warned them NOT to eat while they were gone.  He was asking – communicating with me, treating me with respect.  The least I could do was listen, and I thought, they could have just eaten it without asking.  They knew the chance of me changing my mind was slim to non.(, I am not the parent that gets to change the plans very often.  I am the one that is structured, stable and reliable.)  But today, I wanted to surprise him, treat him with the respect he treated me with.  Show him that when you are honest and responsible you just may get what you want, even if the chances are slim  to none.

“Sure, eat one thing and then come right home, dinner will be on the table and I will expect you to eat it.”  I couldn’t be to soft, still had to make sure they would be sticking to the original agreement of eating dinner as usual.

Three happy guys came home about 10 minutes later. My boys told their friend they would meet him after dinner. I didn’t have to ask the friend to go, they did it themselves.  We ate fish, not always a favorite but no one said  ”gross”, or “I hate fish!”  They ate and said thank you and wanted to go out again.

WOW!

Look how much they grew, how responsible and grown up they acted! I don’t even know what they ate… an ice cream? A donut? Maybe I should invest in cheating before dinner more often.

I was inspired by seeing the way my boys responded when I listened and treated them with respect. Expected something from them but met them half way, even if it wasn’t exactly what I wanted at the time – the result was better than I could have imagined!

If I can be the smart woman I think I am, and apply this lesson I learned to future circumstances and situations I do believe there is hope for us.  Not just my family, or my children but for humanity.  We have to have peace at home before we can teach the world how to live and have peace.

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Hitman for hire

Cover via Amazon

Growing up I wanted to be a professional hitman.  In 1994 The Professional, a fantastic movie came out – my dream come true.  It was many years ago that I have seen the movie, but the little girl taken under the wing of the tough teddy bear of a hitman will always be with me.  It was how I wanted to be, tough but nice on the inside, and a hitman.

This is not what I have become. I never started my hitman career although I have thought about it now and again and realised as long as my eyesight is good and my aim is great it’s never to late to start a new career.  I may wait untill the kids move out so they are not suspicious and ask to many questions as I build by secret weapon room under the greenhouse like Brad Pitt did in Mr.and Mrs.Smith.  Besides, the added age will be a plus. After all who suspects grandma to be the wanted hitman?

Where am I going with this? Well Norway last July there was a mass murder and people are calling him crazy.  They want to say how radical he is, out there, racist, terrorist.  Anders Behring Breivik.  They want us to believe something, that he is…

Different than the rest of us.

But he’s not. Guess what friends.  Lets be honest – as honest as we are on the internet anyway.  I have discussed starting a secret network of people on the internet – a web site where people initiate contact on the site, leave information about known pedophiles and their whereabouts and make a donation for their extermination.  The web site idea came up as a joke after many discussions about why the heck can cops find normal people who download music and film on the internet but can’t find or follow a pedophile that downloads, uploads and  shares child or infant porn on the internet?  Big brother can record and check all phone calls made all over the world, listen to cell phones, track us with microchips, read our e-mails, see what we watch on tv send commercials to our tv they know we are interested in and follow our cookies BUT they can’t take down an illegal porn circle? Strange isn’t it.  Or maybe I am just silly!  CIA, FBI, SS and so many more collect and watch and listen but can’t find… you can see where this is going.  Anyway my friends and I thought we could start this little web site, to take care of the men and women that are invisible to the law but are seen by real people – hurt and destroy real lives.

Does this make me a possible psychopath? Maybe a future mass murderer? Terrorist? Racist? Conservative? Right wing? Extremist?  I am sure there is a stamp to put on me, several probably.  But for now, I am still just boring and pretty darn normal = not famous or crazy enough to be famous yet.  Not a hitman.  Just a citizen wondering how the real criminals always out smart the law.

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